someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
