Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Your penis caused this!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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