Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
