I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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