i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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