Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
