I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
