i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
