In the future we'll all be gay
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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