i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
