His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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