I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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