oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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