Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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