Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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