omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
