Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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