A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
