He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
