He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The feeling are messing with the penis
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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