that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize