Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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