i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
