He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
