and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I want a musical about memes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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