he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
