Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
