Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
