just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
