The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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