I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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