She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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