I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
