yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
