My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Randomize
