i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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