booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
