Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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