i was rollin on her like bob the builder
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize