Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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