My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize