Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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