I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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