I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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