somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
