The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
