I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
