Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize