I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
