Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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