We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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