like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My life is pants optional.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
