I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize