But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
