Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
