dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i think i just lost a toe
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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