How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
