Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
