In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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