Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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