grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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