were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When did angry sex become our thing?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize