p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
