what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
