I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
