the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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