Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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