What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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