My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
