I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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