Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
