she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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