i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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