I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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