I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
