also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
