my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
